it was not goodbye. It was just a means to an end

Picture this, a guy from which you had butterflies for from the age of 13 to 19 goes out with you and it was amazing , butterflies, inside jokes, memories to last a lifetime and even when you break up you remain friends. Now imagine this, even with distance you are both still pretty close, you still have feelings for him while he is away but you are always there fore him through everyone new relationship he has and he is there for you too through the ones you have. Call that scene a good friendship, an everlasting friendship, an unbreakable friendship. Remember this.. when you guys took a 'break' after a weird and unusual argument over maybe not being friends and not really knowing each other and maybe it was all an act.. lol now recall how said 'break' only lasted for a day. Yes folks a day. Why?, everything felt empty without him around, you didn't know what to do with your time and you just spoke to anyone even the people you were not interested in getting to know because you wanted to move on, after all you broke it off for your own good.

Alright, got that all down?

Okay.. retrace today, when after 3 years you both finally met. You spoke countless of times of what u might do how you might act telling each other expectations were low so that it couldn't possibly go wrong. Now visualize this: you guys meet and don't say hi, it feels like you've seen each other everyday, you watch a movie together you chill, he says your shirt is weird which is kinda rude for someone you havent seen in three years but something else feels off, something feels missing..where are they...yes them..your butterflies.. your feelings, you feel nothing!..what is happening. Ladies and gentlemen envisage this: being so attracted to someone but not having any feelings whatsoever for them, they don't turn you on but you want them to, there's no on switch for your body or emotions, what happened to the feelings ?why was it going so wrong?, why was there awkward silence?, why couldn't things have been amazing and sparks flew and you knew it was him all along... is this a sign?..maybe things were meant to stay as what it was.. a friendship, a good one..but you wanted more.. you mentally loved him but for once your heart felt nothing.

We all know how the mind and heart never agree that's why people instantly say follow you're heart, Usually its you're heart that's the hay-wired one but no, this time it was your mind that wanted everything, absolutely everything but your heart was like.."no not this time, not with him, not again, if you wont do it for yourself, ill do it for you". Imagine your heart powering off, or rather hibernating refusing to wake till your mind lets it go..

He looks at you with the eyes you fell in love with, lol the best ones you have ever seen, and you try to look into his soul ,read his mind, know what hes thinking but you already know.. he didn't feel anything too.. you both look at each other in pity for one another and regret but as good friends always do nothing breaks it, we bounce back , cling to what we have an appreciate it and let our heart decide when its ready for the next step instead. After-all its not goodbye just a means to an end.