I can’t hear you

You’re speaking but I’m not listening

All i want to do is open the door 
run out into the dark 
 surrounded by the red blaring lights 
and endless beeping of the horn
 aggressively competing with the noise in my head 

Noise? What noise

Its everything and nothing

Numbness and pain and pleasure

I can’t get enough of it 

That sinking feeling 

Where the whole world stops

And its just you and me.

And i know your plans

They want me to feel this way

You want me to choke in it all

You want me to lie there

You want me to get lost... desperately lost

You want me not to care at all 

And its you i hear

I hear and feel you

And i embrace the trap you set for me

Knowing well what to do to escape and still handing you the key.

I want it to freeze

Its an illusion i have bought

Every dime 

Every drop of energy

In your hands

Im tired of the same routine. 

Im tired of the heart clenching

The emotional stress

The games

The expectations 

The pressure 

The need to live as you all do

Existing

Why isn’t it as easy as it sounds 

Leave me be

I can’t hear you