Friendships are relationships

 

Expectations

“People are quick to be forgiving in romantic relationships but put the highest standards on friendships and are so passive..why?” -@awwimnae

“Relationships and friendships are one and the same. They both require dedication to one another, good communication, trust and honesty”- @skishalinii24

You made me feel like I was in a relationship

 but it was better

The kind where a person truly cares and wants to know everything

Not just because you are dating them

but because you aren’t

So, there are no obligations

they actually want to know.

You met most of my love languages

I felt guilt over it because it was like I was cheating on my other friends

Because I felt the most like myself

You were cool

Like really cool

I could be vulnerable with you

I could open up to you

You knew my flaws inside out.

loved unconditionally.

 

Friendship breakups are said to hurt more than romantic breakups, but why is that?

This boils down to the expectations we place on our friends. Friendships are relationships too. A conscious choice based on more than just emotions. A choice we can fully say our mind gave approval to before we leapt in. The familiarity brings a certain comfort. We wake up every day ready to share the day with the person. They become a part of our world. Creating memories that last a lifetime. They say romantic love can come and go but friendships remain. Our friends hear it all. The details of our relationships. How our heart truly feels. Our friends see it all. How vulnerable we get over the things that hurt us. How our soul reacts. Our friends understand us. Especially the ones that have been there for years. They have seen the good, bad and ugly and remained. Becoming one with us. This is why it hurts more when they leave. It feels like you are losing a huge part of yourself.

 

You might feel lonely despite being surrounded by those you call friends. Sadly the truth is that it gets even harder to make genuine friends as you get older. People become more cautious of who they let in. it takes a lot before they can warm up to you. They feel distant and oftentimes you do not get the chance and when you do, sometimes you don’t feel the energy reciprocated. It feels easy falling for someone that gives you butterflies but it is hard to rationally let someone into that part of yourself again. The part that your partner tends not to see. Because they are your safe haven when he falls short. Its easier to forgive our partners. Subconsciously we expect them to hurt us. But our friends? We tend not to see that coming. Forgetting they are human too. Then it traumatizes us. Makes us afraid to open up again. Makes us more sensitive when we do not feel that reciprocal energy.

Past situations may make you feel unworthy of unconditional love. Your memories do not define your worth. Friendships are worth working for, having difficult conversations and finding compromise especially when you value someone. Just like you would a romantic relationship.

We all want to marry our best friend one day but when we meet someone new, our emotions sometimes take precedence over logic. We rush into situationships before the friendship could develop. Before they could truly know us and still decide to take that plunge. Your relationship is nourished by what it is built on. All bonds are built on trust, without it you have nothing. Trust on both sides. We tell ourselves: “I’ll get to know him first before we date” but how long does that last? Does he have the privileges your friend have?  Does he see the deeper sides of you your closest friends see or just the wife-material parts you want him to see? Are the expectations already built up because you have planned how the future would go and how he should behave? Friends are special because they are always there, they give more and demand less.

Our friends see us in our rawest form, the parts of ourselves we can’t stand. Hence why some make great friends but its scary to think of dating them knowing what you know. Friendships are relationships too. Its importance cannot be over emphasised because they somewhat form the core of our romantic relationships. At times it forms a pointer to how our relationships will look like. Build genuine friendships. Be there as a friend for your partner just as much as you would romantically.

 

I have a question to leave with you. Are you a person that gives 100% of yourself regardless of the energy you get back, basking in the satisfaction that you're giving your best to another person? or do you believe for a genuine friendship, there should be reciprocity; where you give all in relationships and trust that what your friend has given is the "ALL" they are capable of?  What kind of relationships do you have with your friends? It is easier to get hurt... especially when you believe that the other person's all should be according to your own definitions.

Actions points:

1. Do not believe you have to have a romantic relationship to fill a void. Different friends in your life can meet your love language.
2. Negative relationships are energy vampires that can hinder your growth. Learn to say no thank you. Do not stay in toxic situations
3. Everything has its season; some relationships are intended to be seasonal so do not force its extension but do not be afraid to give your everything in that season without regrets.
4.  For a genuine relationship avoid power play struggles with your friends.
5.  Cultivate friendships whereby there can be healthy conflict. You deserve friends who are invested in you and willing to communicate with you.
6.  Try at least 6 months of pure friendship with the person that has your heart. Let them truly in.