Conscious positivity

Stepping out for a walk

Started praying to my God

Smiling at the calmness i feel

Thanking Him for who He is and how merciful He has been and how i want to be close to Him and how he sees me trying

I  feel the rays hit my cells with that vitamin D 

Appreciating the surge of serotonin

Its funny thinking to yourself

“ how can i remain positive?” 

“ think positive thoughts?”

“ write positive words”

On a beautiful day, here i am

praying , thanking God 

but battling with my overthinking self to ignore the bottom of the iceburg and smile like a passanger on the titanic enjoying the waves of life 

Its ironic 

Why you might ask, on this bright sunny day?

Cant the negativity just go away?

Well… because im thinking about my skin

Im thinking…  what am i doing in this foreigners land?

Then im thinking about their stares 

Are they looking at me because i look good with my skin shining in the sun and my  hair follicles glistening 

Or are they wondering why this black person is here and gosh look at her untamed hair?

Im also thinking about my safety

About how she even though my country is probably more unsafe, just being me near them terrifies me 

Then i get upset with myself for thinking too much 

Because they probably not thinking about me 

I go back to focusing on God 

Will that help me stay in positivity?