THE PERFECTION IN OUR STARS
So yesterday was a good night;
not because anything special happened really
more so, because I actually had time to myself.
Have you ever secluded yourself from others just to have alone time?
and that alone time was never enough?
You want to be in a big bubble so your thoughts can wonder about freely;
so it feels as though your mind has become a person speaking to you,
telling you all the data it has collated and stored up for a long time,
for a moment just like this.
So yesterday I went out of my house after cooking an evening meal.
I was impressed by the fresh air surrounding me
You know I forget to breathe sometimes
I let the pressure in my daily life take over my mind
This was my moment to let it out.
I walked up to where the my mom and dad's car were
jumped up on the hood, and just lay there,
Right above me were thick white clouds covering most of the stars
except one
one right in front of me.
That's when the thoughts started flooding in,
It went from- that star could apparently be brighter than the sun...
So close yet so far
I wonder what the wise men thought about following a star,
I wonder where that star might lead me,
why does it seem like these clouds are hanging so low?
they feel like my night blanket.
I thought.. hey.. I should get a skylight for my future apartment
I thought about how vast the the sky was
I am looking into nothing but everything
I thought about God. I thought about how great He was that He did all this on his own.
I used that moment to tell Him hey,you know your pretty bad ass, thank you.
I then thought about how I used to spend a lot of time talking to Him as I would a friend
Tell Him my secret
my desires
Tell Him to help me find my pencil lol ( I was a kid back then)
From big things to small things.
He was not an imaginary friend to me
He was most certainly real, I could feel him around me
that's why no matter what people said to make me have doubt,
no matter how much I questioned Him about things I did not understand,
I did not , not once, question his existence
And best of all he answered me every time even for as little as finding my pencil.
I would close my eyes and he would lead me
He always led me down the right path, he always spoke to me as a conscience would
He made me feel special.
I thought how that time I had for Him decreased
I made excuses that I was busy.
Not thinking that He is busy too, looking out for me as well a billion people in this world
yet He made me feel so privileged, His mercy I had taken for granted.
In my heart I told him He knew how grateful I was
Keeping my family safe and alive I loved Him for
as it was a thing constantly on my mind
I apologized at that moment and told Him I would work on making us close again.
I went back to my thoughts to see what else they had for me.
I watched as the clouds passed by across me , some moved pretty quickly while others moved slowly
I watched the thickest white clouds try to compete with the sky and see if they could cover it
I watched the clouds fail
I watched the clouds form, or shall I rather say I watched my mind tell me they were forming certain shapes. You know just like little kids do, point at a kite or point at a boat in the clouds.
I loved my imagination. I smiled at the thought of it
I found the look of it all breathtaking
I could totally see myself falling asleep here..
then I thought.. hey but I'm saying this by choice.. some people have no choice but to sleep outside
that moment I felt sad and thought about what things I could do to change that
I told myself to think about other things for now
I thought about "him"..
I asked my mind please could you just tell me why I loved him
no answer.
I tried to think back for myself and come up with reasons
but it was like putting jigsaw pieces of different puzzles together. It just wouldn't fit.
yet whenever i see something funny that i think he might like he pops up into my mind.
At that moment I feel sad, but then I think about how far I have come and feel proud of myself.
I then begin to think about what it must be like to be in love
In love with someone who loved you as much back.
Someone who respected you.
Someone who could lay down and watch the clouds with you in silence.
Someone who could let their thoughts out with you
Someone who could make you feel like you are with your best friend.
Stress free. Peace.
I prayed for this.
I thought about my friends
How glad I was to have them
How grateful I was to God for letting them fall into the path I was walking on.
True friends.
I thought about how I wished they were here to enjoy this moment as well with me.
I thought about my country
about how someday things will change and I could bring them here
about how I could stay here after my university, about how I wished it was a true desire of mine.
Yesterday night was a good night
I didn't see any fault in our stars
I saw perfection.
God made it perfect.
He did not make mistakes
Everything has a reason for the way it is and why it is
Everyone is in your life for a reason whether it be to make you stronger by trying to tear you down
Or lifting you up with all round support
I thought about "her"
the one girl that raises my stress levels yet I found it hard to pull away
I thought about whether it was because I was being too nice or too naive
I thought about what could be the real reason she was in my life and what was I to do about it.
Beneath the perfect sky was earth, Our Imperfect reality.
I thought about how that all will change one day.
I knew God had a plan
a plan He had shared with us
a plan I would love to be a part of.
I don't want to keep making mistakes
feeling empty
I want to be filled with the Holy Spirit as I was back then
reading the bible and writing down the little questions I had then asking my dad
I never let anything anyone said move me until I asked for answers
so I was not easily led astray by the world
Because that's the plan of the enemy.. to make you have doubt, questions,
until you question your faith. Frank Perreti the present darkness taught me this
I never want that to happen. No. I did not want to be deceived.
back when I could speak to Him and I could hear his voice back.
He always told me what I should do. When He was silent I knew it was because He was waiting for me to figure it out as a teacher would.
He never left me
He still hasn't left me even when I feel I don't deserve him.
I make the same mistakes telling him to forgive me that I won't do it again
But it happens again.
I pray to him to not let temptation get the best of me but I don't put in my part. The physical effort of stopping.
I want to be close to God again.
I want that previous feeling again.
not because anything special happened really
more so, because I actually had time to myself.
Have you ever secluded yourself from others just to have alone time?
and that alone time was never enough?
You want to be in a big bubble so your thoughts can wonder about freely;
so it feels as though your mind has become a person speaking to you,
telling you all the data it has collated and stored up for a long time,
for a moment just like this.
So yesterday I went out of my house after cooking an evening meal.
I was impressed by the fresh air surrounding me
You know I forget to breathe sometimes
I let the pressure in my daily life take over my mind
This was my moment to let it out.
I walked up to where the my mom and dad's car were
jumped up on the hood, and just lay there,
Right above me were thick white clouds covering most of the stars
except one
one right in front of me.
That's when the thoughts started flooding in,
It went from- that star could apparently be brighter than the sun...
So close yet so far
I wonder what the wise men thought about following a star,
I wonder where that star might lead me,
why does it seem like these clouds are hanging so low?
they feel like my night blanket.
I thought.. hey.. I should get a skylight for my future apartment
I thought about how vast the the sky was
I am looking into nothing but everything
I thought about God. I thought about how great He was that He did all this on his own.
I used that moment to tell Him hey,you know your pretty bad ass, thank you.
I then thought about how I used to spend a lot of time talking to Him as I would a friend
Tell Him my secret
my desires
Tell Him to help me find my pencil lol ( I was a kid back then)
From big things to small things.
He was not an imaginary friend to me
He was most certainly real, I could feel him around me
that's why no matter what people said to make me have doubt,
no matter how much I questioned Him about things I did not understand,
I did not , not once, question his existence
And best of all he answered me every time even for as little as finding my pencil.
I would close my eyes and he would lead me
He always led me down the right path, he always spoke to me as a conscience would
He made me feel special.
I thought how that time I had for Him decreased
I made excuses that I was busy.
Not thinking that He is busy too, looking out for me as well a billion people in this world
yet He made me feel so privileged, His mercy I had taken for granted.
In my heart I told him He knew how grateful I was
Keeping my family safe and alive I loved Him for
as it was a thing constantly on my mind
I apologized at that moment and told Him I would work on making us close again.
I went back to my thoughts to see what else they had for me.
I watched as the clouds passed by across me , some moved pretty quickly while others moved slowly
I watched the thickest white clouds try to compete with the sky and see if they could cover it
I watched the clouds fail
I watched the clouds form, or shall I rather say I watched my mind tell me they were forming certain shapes. You know just like little kids do, point at a kite or point at a boat in the clouds.
I loved my imagination. I smiled at the thought of it
I found the look of it all breathtaking
I could totally see myself falling asleep here..
then I thought.. hey but I'm saying this by choice.. some people have no choice but to sleep outside
that moment I felt sad and thought about what things I could do to change that
I told myself to think about other things for now
I thought about "him"..
I asked my mind please could you just tell me why I loved him
no answer.
I tried to think back for myself and come up with reasons
but it was like putting jigsaw pieces of different puzzles together. It just wouldn't fit.
yet whenever i see something funny that i think he might like he pops up into my mind.
At that moment I feel sad, but then I think about how far I have come and feel proud of myself.
I then begin to think about what it must be like to be in love
In love with someone who loved you as much back.
Someone who respected you.
Someone who could lay down and watch the clouds with you in silence.
Someone who could let their thoughts out with you
Someone who could make you feel like you are with your best friend.
Stress free. Peace.
I prayed for this.
I thought about my friends
How glad I was to have them
How grateful I was to God for letting them fall into the path I was walking on.
True friends.
I thought about how I wished they were here to enjoy this moment as well with me.
I thought about my country
about how someday things will change and I could bring them here
about how I could stay here after my university, about how I wished it was a true desire of mine.
Yesterday night was a good night
I didn't see any fault in our stars
I saw perfection.
God made it perfect.
He did not make mistakes
Everything has a reason for the way it is and why it is
Everyone is in your life for a reason whether it be to make you stronger by trying to tear you down
Or lifting you up with all round support
I thought about "her"
the one girl that raises my stress levels yet I found it hard to pull away
I thought about whether it was because I was being too nice or too naive
I thought about what could be the real reason she was in my life and what was I to do about it.
Beneath the perfect sky was earth, Our Imperfect reality.
I thought about how that all will change one day.
I knew God had a plan
a plan He had shared with us
a plan I would love to be a part of.
I don't want to keep making mistakes
feeling empty
I want to be filled with the Holy Spirit as I was back then
reading the bible and writing down the little questions I had then asking my dad
I never let anything anyone said move me until I asked for answers
so I was not easily led astray by the world
Because that's the plan of the enemy.. to make you have doubt, questions,
until you question your faith. Frank Perreti the present darkness taught me this
I never want that to happen. No. I did not want to be deceived.
back when I could speak to Him and I could hear his voice back.
He always told me what I should do. When He was silent I knew it was because He was waiting for me to figure it out as a teacher would.
He never left me
He still hasn't left me even when I feel I don't deserve him.
I make the same mistakes telling him to forgive me that I won't do it again
But it happens again.
I pray to him to not let temptation get the best of me but I don't put in my part. The physical effort of stopping.
I want to be close to God again.
I want that previous feeling again.
Nice thoughts
ReplyDeleteThank you x
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