Asocial

Im pushing you away on purpose

I deny that i am

But i know i am

I don’t want to hear you say you like me
I don’t wanna hear that you love me

I don’t want to hear you say you’d wait

I don’t want you to accommodate me and my flaws

I just want to be left alone

And then I don’t ....

I want to see it

But not have it

The sense in that I’ll never know

Know it can be grasped if i wanted

But stay as far away from it as possible

Fearful?

Feeling Inadequate?

Feeling undeserving?
Who knows my reasons

I don’t even want to know

I have not become antisocial but an asocial introvert 

And i do not want to change

At least not now

I just want peace of mind

But it won’t be that easy

You would crave to have what you pushed away

I know this

Yet i keep doing it

And you know this

But you allow me do it

What more can you do

I feel bad for putting you through it

But I’m not ready and i dont know when i will be

But at the same time,

My mates have started their journey

And I don’t want it to be too late
So late i missed my chance

But i hope and i pray God would change my heart

So I don’t have to stare at the clock as i figure myself out

Knowing time is running out
But He gets me
He is used to me and my mind
The things that seem perplexing to others
Is clear and understandable to him

He knows what im going through even when I don’t 

So how can you understand me

When he’s yet to open my eyes

So i can understand me.

Please be patient but I won’t blame you if you leave.