Push them away

A new friend, an interest
I treat them the same
A now close friend, a lover
Will it happen again?

Its much easier to plan ahead
get one step in front
before they leave it dead

"Not getting attached is wise"
that's just what I believe
my past experiences have told me
what humans can conceive

hurt before being hurt
separate the real from the fake
sometimes the two lines cross
that's when I start to break

which do you belong to?
the pessimist in me comes out
which would be safer?
my inner protector bursts out

that's when it all happens
my self sabotager at its best
ruining what we have created
as its safer for my chest

my mind doesn't have to go there
I can go all numb
believing it will always be me myself and I
the lies make me become
they make me become..
Unapologetic
Self-deceiving
Mean!
They make me replace that love which i should have made unconditional
Conditional!
Replaceable!
Undeserving!
Breakable!
They make me become...

detached...
isolated...
forlorn...
grievous...


on my own.