You and I : Owning my truth

 Its always been between you and I

you have told me countless times

countless times I brought in distractions to prove you wrong

countless times I proved ...me wrong.

so dependent

so expectant

so self deceiving

he can't make me fix whats between you and I

that's why I keep retrieving 

Disconnect

5 seconds connection

and then I'm off again

the worst is when I hear your words

and make people watching believe I am listening

or when I read your messages

and make them believe I'm passionate

Knowing exactly what to say

How to make them feel

to make it sound like there is a connection

But there isn't

I am deceiving myself

and I am deceiving them

But not you.

You've never been fooled

I've desired that milk for so long

and for so long, that's all I drank

I wanted a seat for meat on the dinner table

but was too afraid of what that seat means

It meant... 

no going back.

once you cross 

what is expected of you changes

once you cross

what you expect from yourself changes

which is why you prefer to fall from a lower ground

falling from a higher ground might be much too painful

so you plateau

where coming down won't be as steep

and their glances at you less disdainful.

its the same track you run

effortlessly stubborn

telling yourself any change made would be temporary

so why do the necessary?

Yes and it may be a constant race

but constant races change course

runners powering the hills they face

using every force.