a year? really?

it doesn't feel like a year has gone by
I look back and think of Jan and say to myself this all happened last year..
it didn't
still feels as intense as ever
and I don't even know what to say about it anymore.
Its become such a.. "life can be shit" moment.
A moment I relive over and over
I am waiting patiently for that year where I look back and smile
Look back and say... girl, you were worried , sad, stressed for nothing.
Look back and say... you didn't let it affect your destiny, your personality, your looks
And to be fair in my mind I have all the time in the world
completely unaware of the clock ticking at the back
I'm perfectly satisfied as is... and in some way I wish I wasn't.
Theoretically wanting more but satisfied with the reality of now.
I call it being numb